Buffet. Gods country.

Skywalker had Darth Vader, Buzz Lightyear had Zurg, Indiana Jones had falling rocks, and my good old nemesis is the buffet breakfast. Probably as deadly as any baddie, ever.

One of the finest buffets I have ever lay my eyes on has to be Melba in The Langham. This brilliant hotel boasts a brilliant ‘Titanic-Esque’ (pre-sinking) fit out and stuns me every time I get to visit.

This morning was no exception. Lovely staff, beautiful décor, and a whole lotta food. What’s not to love? Oh and of course a chance to see my father dearest on his recent trip to our fine city.

Go there with an empty stomach. That’s my only advice. The buffet is definitely one of the most challenging first world problems an individual must overcome. As my favourite comedian, Michael McIntyre, points out, you walk into the buffet and decide you want croissant, eggs, pancakes, juice in tiny glasses, bacon, fruit, muesli, even when you don’t eat muesli!!

Everything is there in front of you and ahh you just want to eat it all. The Langham even throws in a lolly bar and chocolate fountain, in case their deliciously, strong coffee doesn’t give you the kick you need.

The one gripe I have with buffets is the snail paced toaster. Over the years, all other aspects of the buffet have advanced, but the beloved old grandma toaster still remains. I could go and source the grain, mill it, bake a loaf and toast a piece of toast in a regular toaster in the time this sucker takes. Ah well, if that’s your only problem JP, you’ve got a lot to learn about the world.

Brekky was super yum and the staff were, as always, very attentive.  Poached Eggies were nice and runny, and all other food was fresh. Aside from the hash browns which were a tad soggy. But that was ok as that gave me an excuse to eat more bacon. My obsession with bacon went to new levels when I dreamt of bacon last night. No idea what was involved in the dream, think I was just eating a plate of bacon. Poor Wilbur.

The baked goods smelt deeeelish but I resisted and had some lovely grainy toast with the oh so tasty tiny jar of Strawberry Beerenburg Jam.  Then of course had to eat a massive plate of berries and fruit. All so fresh and a perfect way to pretend that I didn’t consume a kilo of bacon beforehand.


I then went to work and continued to eat. I have portion control issues beyond resolve. And I love everrrry minute of it.


Melba. Do it. 8.5/10

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