Umbrella Etiquette

Just a side note for a Friday morning.

Being Melbourne, we get rain, and lots of it. So you would assume that pedestrians know how to utilise an umbrella in an orderly fashion.

Walking to work in the pouring rain this morning, I constantly encountered the awkward moment where your umbrella and a passer by’s umbrella needs to cross paths and there’s not enough room for both to pass at the same level.

Usually you do the awkward side-tilt umbrella move which usually means you both end up getting wet – defeating the purpose of you holding an umbrella in the first place.

This morning, a middle aged man was walking toward me with his umbrella and as we approached eachother, as I was taller than him, I held my umbrella higher than his.

Well! The look on his face was as if I had stripped him of his manhood. It did not seem as if he was ready to do the same for me, but as my umbrella had been the chivalrous umbrella, he seemed devastated. His umbrella on the other hand seemed to appreciate the gesture.

So that got me thinking, maybe there needs to be a road rules created for Umbrella Etiquette.

1. If you like rain, don’t use an umbrella.

2. If you are taller than the oncoming passenger traffic, raise your umbrella to an acceptable height above the other umbrellas.

3. Yes you look stupid trying to juggle a coffee, your phone and an umbrella. Facebook can wait until you reach your destination.

4. If you would prefer to raise your umbrella above the oncoming pedestrian’s umbrella, gesture early with an interpretive dance routine.

5. If you enjoy spinning your umbrella whilst walking in heavy pedestrian traffic, be prepared to be banned from the footpath.

6. If you do not own an umbrella, do not wear a newspaper on your head. You look stupid and will end up with the daily headlines across your forehead.

7. If you own one of the ridiculous giant golf umbrellas, and do not in fact play golf…stay at home.

8. Do not under any circumstances, use or purchase an umbrella with cat ears on the top of it.


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